The Thing is, Life Changes
I spent some time recently reflecting on my writing in relation to expectations… I see some regression here. As I read the words I have written, I think to myself 'who is this wise person, or more importantly where has she gone?'
I realise that this life I have means continual change, whether that is in my outer or inner space. Things are changing constantly, thoughts, ideas, plans. The changes keep coming, requiring adaption, insight and growth. So much return comes from this time in my life, yet with such rapid change comes a level of vulnerability, a vulnerability to abandon what I know, a vulnerability to neglect what is important. Competing priorities. I see I was writing about this at the beginning of this crazy journey and here I am, continuing the motherhood vs. career battle so many of us know too well. The things is, I struggle to know what it is a I truly want, which feeds this sense of competing priorities. Here I am, in this fortunate position to be flexible in my work, my life being able to adjust as needed and for this I am truly grateful… and yet, it is tough. The pressure, the constant competing demands.
Recently my youngest was beginning (for the first time ever) not wanting to go to preschool. She would cry every morning and cling to me. This is my adventurer, the one that has such a zest for life, activity and people, she has always loved preschool and I even struggled to give her enough stimulation when home! That’s right she is the one that I could guilt free hand over to care – What happened?! So I go there. Of course I go there, the full blown mama guilt driven dissection of my actions, thoughts, my perceived failures.. What am I doing wrong? Have I misread her? Maybe she really needs to be home with her mum full time? What am I doing? I can’t bear to force my child to stay somewhere, where she clearly doesn’t want to be? Clinging to me screaming as her teachers try to pry her off me; you know the scene, if not your own someone else’s you have witnessed at drop off time. She has always had such a strong mind and knows herself, she will let me know when things aren’t right, she is letting me know things aren’t right… and on and on.
A bit of the back story, one of the drivers behind my enterprise Growth Development is understanding the tension that modern day working parents, and especially mothers, hold everyday. The 'do I send my child to care when they are not 100%' is one of the most guilt ridden decisions a mum as to navigate over and over throughout the work and parenthood balancing act. So in my work mission to unleashing the potential of people at work, mastery of the ‘flow’ between motherhood and career seems like such a great piece to focus on, starting with me.
Here is the thing... the concepts of ‘mastery’ and ‘right’ have a lot in common with ‘perfect’... ahhh my lens is set in that black and white absolute place again! Focussed on unsustainable stiff expectations of right or wrong, success or failure. As I step back and reflect, I realise that all that is important right now, is that we are not on track in relation to the standard set for our child. The rest doesn’t matter. The next question is how do we get back track? And it is as simple as that. Applying this thought process not only sorted the preschool situation (we actually made some major improvements for both of the children) but it also reminded me it is the same for everything else that had been slipping in my life.
So in relation to next big challenge... what is the standard? What are we working towards? I realise all of a sudden 'the standard' is unclear... gaining clarity of that standard, that is the place to begin.
